i’m gonna be honest i didn’t even read the tweet because i had to hit reblog too fast when i saw this guy’s name is “i like hitting police because i am homosexual”
My land lady is a 90lb 88 year old woman with 5 full grown Rottweiler boys. They sit around her when she gardens and watch her like the secret service. If you show up to pay rent they all stand up and stand between you and her.
It’s intimidating to have 5 pony size boys all staring at you until she stands up realizes it’a you and walks to you.
My favorite part is she wades through them like swamp water saying in her cute old voice ‘move’ ‘move please’ and each one she nudges to move wags his whole body at her touch and stumbles out of the way like he’s been knocked over by a truck. It gives me life paying my rent.
This is so accurate. At school, we literally have children who will watch our facial expressions to see if them falling is as bad as they think it might be.
CORRECT CHILD INJURY PROCEDURE:
do not react. at the most, maybe wince and go “ooooh”
go over to the child to assess panic level and severity of injury
if they’re like, dying, remain calm, but they’re probably not.
look them in the eye and ask, “you okay?” they will nod. possibly all teary-eyed. then ask, “are we gonna need to cut it off?”
the child is thrown off. if they giggle, you’re in the money. if they do not, put a bandaid on and do some sympathetic patting. they are probably a little teary. let the sad little bug sit out for a minute. they will quickly get bored.
works every time
“sad little bug” is the cutest and most accurate term ive heard used to describe a child because sometimes bugs are kinda super cute sometimes bugs are really fucking annoying and sometimes bugs are downright TERRIFYING
love being trusted with “you cant tell anyone this” conversations and nodding a lot and forgetting everything they told me like god intended and going down as a trustworthy individual while doing literally zero work of ill or good
